Why the most useful word in a hard decision is "and."
Key Takeaways
Looking for one “right” answer narrows your view. If you don’t acknowledge that two seemingly conflicting things can be true at once, it’s harder to see the real problem and the full range of solutions.
Use “and,” not “but.” “But quietly dismisses whatever came before it. “And” makes room for both truths, which is where better decisions and real buy-in start.
Holding both truths isn’t the same as staying undecided. You still have to choose. You just make a better-informed choice based on a broader picture.
Two things can be true. It’s one of my go-to phrases when I’m supporting someone through a decision, coaching a leader on how to manage a team, building a consensus, or walking a group of senior leaders through a hard trade-off. And the reality is, I probably use the phrase on myself more than anyone else.
Acknowledging multiple truths can coexist makes space for clarity.
Once you stop trying to decide which “truth” is the right one, emotions tend to settle, minds can open, and solutions begin to come into view.
The pull toward one right answer
It's so easy (and very human) to get myopic when facing a big or charged issue. One "right" perspective is simpler. A singular, absolute truth means there's nothing left to weigh.
But that simplicity costs us. When we don't acknowledge the nuance, that two (or more) seemingly conflicting things can be true at the same time, we lose the ability to:
Clearly identify the problem we're trying to solve
Understand the landscape or context in which we're problem-solving
Evaluate multiple possible solutions
Arrive at an outcome with the highest chance of buy-in and success
Where it shows up
This shows up most often when feelings are involved, but not always. Two hard facts can sit side by side and still feel like they're in conflict.
In the leader’s seat:
Someone is amazing at what they do
and they’re not right for this job (skills, culture fit, team fit).
A decision is 100% right financially
and it’s 100% wrong people-wise.
The company has a historically great culture
and it still needs to evolve and change.
The P&L looks good
and the business is unhealthy or failing underneath.
You care deeply about someone on your team
and you still need to hold them accountable.
Your top performer delivers every quarter
and the rest of the team is quietly working around them.
A policy is fair on paper
and it lands unevenly in practice.
Engagement scores are high
and good people are still leaving.
In the employee's seat:
You're ready for a promotion
and the company isn't ready to create the role you desire.
Something is legal
and it’s still wrong.
You love your job
and it’s time to leave.
A decision feels "unfair"
and it’s still the right decision for the company, the team, or even for you.
Feedback was poorly delivered
and it was still accurate.
You disagree with a decision
and you can still commit to making it work.
You’re great at your job
and you’ve outgrown it.
Your technical skills are strong, and you’re meeting your individual KPIs
and you’re struggling to adapt to the company’s or team’s culture.
The company’s culture feels dysfunctional and broken to you
and other employees are genuinely thriving in it.
Outside of work
This isn't only a workplace tool. A parent can be ready for their kid to leave for college, the kid can be ready, and the parent can still wish for one more year. You can love someone deeply, and they can still be someone you don't want in your life. Someone can hold a belief opposite to yours (for well-considered reasons that make complete sense to them), and they can still be a good person worthy of your respect (even if you think they’re wrong).
The leaders who can hold these tensions in their non-work lives tend to be the same ones who can hold them at work. And those leaders often find less friction, greater buy-in, and more consistent success when moving teams and initiatives forward.
How to put it to work
When you're stuck, or feeling certain with a quiet sense that you're missing something, try this:
Pause. Notice when you're considering only one side of the picture or when you’re searching for a singular, absolute truth in a complex situation. If you’re struggling to identify another perspective, reach out to a trusted peer, mentor, or coach.
Say both truths out loud, in one sentence, joined by “and” (not “but”). "But" quietly cancels or dismisses whatever came before it. "And" makes room for both.
Then ask the key questions. Now that both are in view, what problem am I actually solving? What solutions may open up when I acknowledge both truths? What hurdles have I identified by acknowledging the other truths?
Make a considered, well-rounded decision. Holding space for multiple truths isn’t the same as staying undecided. You still have to choose. Now, you just make a better-informed choice, based on a broader picture. Alternatives have been considered, hurdles and roadblocks have been identified, pathways to buy-in have been laid.
The goal isn't to decide which truth wins.
It’s to find the path forward that honors both.
That’s where the better decisions live, and usually, the buy-in too.
What's a "two things can be true" moment you're navigating right now?